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Teenage Drivers
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| Tips To Help Parents Stay Sane When There's A Young Driver In The Family |
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| Updated |
Jun 10, 2004 21:20:14 |
| Rating |
 16 ( -2 -12.5% ) | | Author | Bruce Caldwell |
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Description:
A new school year often renews the cries of would-be teenage drivers, "Puh-leeze, let me drive to school; I promise I'll be careful." It's an inevitable rite of passage: your children reach the legal driving age and want to drive. They think that a driver's license is somehow tied to the Teenage Emancipation Act. Parents would do well to remind their kids that driving is a privilege, not a constitutional right.
Having a teenage driver (or drivers) can be a win-win situation. You and your child can both gain freedom. It doesn't have to be an instant case of gray hair or an emotional battle royale. The key is to establish your ground rules right up front. Be sure that they are your rules. The teenage mantras "but, everybody else . . ." or "it's not fair" shouldn't affect your decisions. Not that most normal kids will try everything in their emotional bag of tricks. Let them try, hear them out, but don't waver from your position. Tell them that, yes, life isn't fair, but they're sure lucky to learn that valuable lesson at such a young age.
The following tips and suggestions deal with making the best of having a teenage driver. We're talking about preserving family harmony after the child already has their license. Hopefully, your children attended and passed a comprehensive driver education course. Trying to teach your teenager how to drive should be left to the pros who not only have greater experience, they also don't have your emotional involvement.
These tips are from a wide variety of sources including personal experience. Our first trial-by-fire was a double one--twins. That made dealing with their younger sibling a breeze. We're not trying to tell you how to run your family, just provide reassurance during this potentially difficult time.
You're The Adult:
A family isn't necessarily a democracy. Someone needs to be in charge. It's sometimes known as the
'golden rule'--he who has the gold, rules… In other words, as long as you're paying the bills, your opinion counts the most.
You literally hold the keys to the car. We're not suggesting some power trip, but if the balance of power is clearly understood
from day one, a lot of conflict can be avoided. There's no reason to argue, yell, or lose your composure because you're the
decision-maker. Contrary to popular TV shows, disrespectful, smart aleck kids don't run the world.
Earn The Privilege:
Since driving is a privilege, you might want to make it an earned privilege. The conditions might involve
grades, homework completion, helping with family errands, or other areas of responsibility you value. These conditions should be fair
and consistent. Once the conditions are established, don't back down. Teens can be like emotional vultures, just waiting for you to falter.
Put It In Writing:
When you and your child come to an understanding about driving, it can be a good idea to put the conditions
and agreements in writing. A simple outline of the basic conditions can be printed and posted on something like a family bulletin board.
Written rules can preclude arguments. There's no need to question or repeat what you said, just check the list. Some parents take it a
step further and have their kids sign an agreement. It's sort of like a rental car agreement, spelling out what the parents expect and
what rules the teen has agreed to follow.
Zero Tolerance On Safety Issues:
Safety should be, and usually is, every parents' number-one concern. Teenagers tend to seriously
over-estimate their driving skills. Our family instituted a "no seatbelt, no go" rule and zero tolerance regarding alcohol or drugs. Seatbelts
were mandatory for everyone, no matter how short the trip. If a friend didn't want to wear their seatbelt, they weren't allowed to ride
in the car. We told the kids to blame us if they came under excessive peer pressure.
Our stand on alcohol and drugs was that if we ever found any evidence of illegal substances, no matter who had them in the car, that
driving privileges would be suspended for the duration of high school. Monitoring of these rules was easy--we asked our kids.
Any speeding tickets or accidents we made the child's responsibility. If their actions led to increased insurance premiums, the child
was responsible for them. Tickets cost, but increased insurance premiums keep on costing month after month. Fear of financial burdens proved
an excellent speeding deterrent.
They Pay For Gas And Maintenance:
Consider making your teen responsible for operating costs to teach them about what it actually costs
to operate a vehicle. When it's their gas, they're less likely to make unnecessary trips. We taught our kids to change oil, air filters,
spark plugs and other basic maintenance. It was their responsibility to check fluid levels and tire pressures on a weekly basis.
The Fewer Passengers The Better:
The type of vehicle that you provide your teenager depends on your family situation. If you have a choice,
we recommend slower, safer vehicles. Fast, flashy cars are a bigger invitation to showing off and greater risks. Our kids had a five-passenger
car and a three-passenger pickup. The pickup dropped the passenger potential (any riding in the bed was grounds for full-time walking). Fewer
passengers mean fewer distractions, less driving, and a smaller audience for any irresponsible driving.
Your Kids Aren't Running A Taxi Service:
Friends who aren't already mobile often view their mobile friends as free transportation. Our
position was that hauling friends should be an occasional thing, not a permanent obligation.
Keep Tabs On Them:
Ask where your kids are going, and with whom, or have the child ask permission for trips outside of daily school or job
driving. By making them accountable, they are less likely to drive around aimlessly. Don't be afraid to nix endless trips to the mall. Few
teens will admit it, but, deep down, most prefer parents that care enough to set limits versus parents that don't take the time to be involved
with their children. The challenge, of course, is to be involved without being overbearing or domineering. Bend on small issues and you will
have an easier time with truly important situations.
Forget About Big Stereos:
Once they have wheels, they usually want to make peer-pleasing additions to the car. A big, booming sound
system is high on most wish lists. We think the factory sound system is fine, even preferable. An expensive sound system can be distracting
(teenage drivers need as few distractions as possible) and it's an invitation for theft and vandalism. Car break-ins (those cases where stealing
the whole car wasn't the goal) are primarily sound-system related. We're also against expensive custom wheels and tires for the same potential
theft reasons.
Would You Rather Ride The Bus?:
When a situation gets out of hand or your child chooses to be totally unreasonable, use the dreaded school
bus threat. Be prepared to follow through. Let them ride the bus for a while. You'll be amazed how agreeable the kids get after a stint on the bus.
At our house, the parental response was: "Free, reliable transportation stops by our mailbox every morning and brings you home in the afternoon."
We're already paying for this service through property taxes, whether or not our kids use it. The kids' follow-up argument: "The bus comes too early.
I'll miss it and you'll have to drive me to school." The parental topper: "If you choose to sleep late and miss the bus, you can walk to school
(something most parents, grandparents, et al, did for generations without any apparent ill effects). If tardiness affects your grades, you're making
poor choices that could impact your future." Place the responsibility with the child.
Although some of these tips may sound preachy, responsible teenagers are more likely to be responsible drivers. That's good for the kids and great for minimizing your gray hairs. Setting reasonable rules can cut down on your and (even though they won't admit it) their worries. |
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